In the last post, we talked about how energy-consuming and hard it is for your brain to make choices and decisions and I shared with you my frustration about not knowing what my passion in life is. We also talked about all those ready to use ideas we were all taught either directly from family and school or indirectly from what we see in our society about the typical cycle of life and where those ideas come from. In this post, we are going to let all that behind and start taking responsibility for our lives. Ready? Perfect! Let’s do this!
Take responsibility for your life
And so, I then understood that I should stop blaming others for what they taught me, and stop seeing myself as a victim of society and its rules, and start taking responsibility for my life, listening to my heart, and looking for my passion in life. I remember one of the books I read about that and that made me feel very vulnerable and useless because I couldn’t answer those questions they asked. The book title was “ Find your why : A Practical Guide for Discovering Purpose for You and Your Team”
The book was mainly addressed to entrepreneurs but the concepts discussed were available in my opinion to everybody. Remember, You are the top priority project you should be working on! Anyways, I felt frustrated after I finished that book, I put it away and convinced myself that this is nonsense. This person doesn’t know what I’m going through, how can they judge me for my circumstances. Their life is very different in that part of the world. Here, if I do what they’re asking me to do (take risks, work different jobs without pay, etc.) If I do that here, and I leave my studies (I was in engineering school back then) to do that then it will be over for me. My parents will be disappointed in me, everybody will think that I am a failure, I will have no career at all and I will be staying home with my parents until some man comes and marries me and if I’m lucky and that marriage actually works, my life will be exactly the same movie I saw over and over again.
I was scared, I knew that the tips provided in the book are the only things that will make me experience those different things so I can figure out what my passion is, but I could not do it right away. One of the reasons is that where I come from, you have to have the degree first and then you talk about other things (It’s almost always the case in most countries by the way!). And so I was very confused, I didn’t know what to do. It was all in my head, I rarely talked about it. But at that moment, I decided to let it out a bit and ask for guidance. I started praying to Allah to show me the way and then I decided to talk to my parents about it.
Conversation with my parents
I remember I had a very interesting conversation with my parents about that, I let them know that I didn’t like what I was being taught at school and that I don’t want to be doing those things for the rest of my life and that I was thinking about dropping out and doing something else. That was not because I was failing in the exams or anything, I was doing fine but I was not into most of it. There were very few subjects that I liked and enjoyed, but I hated most of the other subjects. I gotta say it was one of the hardest conversations I had up to that point but it was very rewarding.
My parents tried to understand what I was saying, they let me pour my heart out and kept asking me questions like so what do you wanna do? Let’s say you drop out today, what will you do? I had no idea what the answer was but there was something that I really liked at the time (I still do by the way and it’s one of my future projects inshallah) and that was the fact that I wanted to start a clothing line for hijab-wearing women. They kind of knew about that dream of mine but they never thought it was serious, but hearing that your daughter wants to drop out from engineering school (after 4 years of studies in very hard conditions) to go and start a clothing line was not very encouraging for them LOL, can you blame them?
Anyways, we talked for hours and that conversation relieved me from a lot of things and let me see the light at the end of the tunnel. They said we support you 100% and we want you to be happy in anything you want to do. But this is the situation right now, if you drop out of school, you will be left with only a high school degree and you will have no money to start your project. We know you don’t only want a small local thing if that’s the case we can help you with that. But if you want to do it properly like we know you like to do things, then you’ll need both to study for it and you’ll need a lot of money to start. So they suggested I finish my degree first, and I try to find a job that I will like even if it takes some time, and then after working for a few years, I’ll save some money and then I can leave everything and start my clothing line project and they will support my choice 100%.
For a confused 22-year old girl at that time, that sounded like a good plan. I was relieved and I decided to go with it, especially since deep down, I wasn’t sure that that clothing line is really my passion after all.
To be continued